What Kind of Eggs Do You Like - #34

From Runaway Bride....

Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me.

I love Eggs Benedict, I hate every other kind. I hate big weddings with everybody staring. I'd like to get married on a weekday while everybody's at work. And when I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse.
Ike Graham: Should I be writing this down?

I love these 2 scenes and quotes. Relationships are tough and there are times you are going to want to quit but I think the key is to find the person that you want to work it out with - you will be mad at them, they will hurt you at some point but without them you would feel lost and they will bring you more joy than bad times. I also think it is important to know yourself so that you don't become the relationship. It is important to know where you end and the other person begins, it is important to have your own interests and joint interests and to learn the other persons interest but not get so lost in them that you don't know yourself. I love this quote! What kind of eggs do you like?

Flirting or Just Another Girl - #33

As I was preparing to publish this post, I realized that I had written a Title with no commentary. I sometimes do this to keep ideas fresh but then I usually write them within a day or 2 and not weeks later. So I will attempto to capture whatever thought I had at the time...

How do you know when you are flirting or just another girl? I think you can probably figure it out more easily with a stranger than with people that you know or are friends with. So I ask myself - am I the buddy, the friend, or is there more?

Where's the Romance - #32

I ask "Where is the Romance?" and "Is Romance dead?". When was the last time I had a date that showed up with flowers or a nice card tucked into the seat of my car? It was probably 10 years ago when I was dating a guy in college. Although I do remember one first date that showed up with a mixed CD for me and a rose. Nice...no, creepy. My guy friend and I were discussing this the other day and he said "Do you really want flowers" and I said "no". What I want is a guy to do something for me that he knows I will like. That shows 1 - That he knows me and 2 - That he is thinking of me. Recently I received a flask and a bottle of liquor from a guy friend - romantic no but he knew I wanted one and he must have been thinking of me. This was also from a guy friend (whether or not he wants it to be more is in question) but never-the-less, I just want to be friends and his act of kindness shows me that romance isn't dead and if he is doing it then a guy that I am dating can certainly do it. So bring on the flasks and liquor! JK

Also, another way to show you care is to go out of your way for a person. This can be done by picking them up or taking them to the airport. Making time for them in your busy life, etc. So there are more ways to show your love than flowers and chocolate.

How Can We Be Lovers... - #31

...If we can't be friends. This doesn't exactly go with my topic, it is more like "how can we be friends, if we can't date" or "how can you expect to be friends, when you can't work things out". So this is my first attempt in a long time to be friends with the guy I dated. I am friends with lots of guys that I have dated but most of them I dated a long time ago and now we are friends and we only went out a few times and I was probably the one that wasn't into them and therefore not as upset about it ending.

Anyway, I am trying to be friends with someone I dated and it is hard because we recently dated - as in 2 weeks ago we stopped dating. And he wants to be friends. I want to be friends too but I think we gave up on the whole dating thing a little too early. I felt like I (and he) had been out of the dating game for awhile so when we talked about the problem instead of just saying we are done, I wanted to figure out how to make it work. But instead, we are friends and I am seeing how that goes.

Honestly I am a mad at him for giving up in my opinion. Sure the result may be the same in another month or another 6 months so you can argue that it is better just to call it now and try to keep the friendship. But, in any relationahip you have to work at it. You have to work to be friends, you have to work to date. When something doesn't work, you try again.

And of course I feel like I am the one the blame and think "what could I have done differently". Maybe I shouldn't have held back as much as I did and maybe I should have given more and not let my job make me Miss Debbie Downer. I think "what happened to the person/people we were when it began". Those 2 people got along, those 2 people wanted to be together. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

So now I am trying to be the friend but a little part of me can't help but get excited when we talk and when we email. So maybe time does need to pass before we can be friends. I don't know what will happen - stay tuned.

NOTE - I realized after writing this that it is almost identical in ideas to my #23 post. Interestingly the 2 posts are about 2 different people about 3-4 months apart. The first situation, I think I knew we wouldn't be friends it was just going through the motions to say that we would. The 2nd one, we have have more invested and I think we may really try to be friends. Thought it was funny to see this come back again.

NOTE 2 - I am reading this now after 2 months of the post sitting in my queue to post and think "my how my opinions change with time". Are we friends now...well, sort of. Do I wish we were dating and had worked at it...well, no. Time bring perspective to a situation and helps you see things that may have been blurry when you were in the midst of the situation.

More Shots on Goal - Dating Commentary #30

One of my good friends (and cheerleader) tells me all the time that dating is all about the number of shots on goal and if one shot misses, you are just one shot closer to the goal. I like this theory and think that it is true. You learn more about yourself and the person that will compliment you and complete you when you date. I definitely know the traits of a person that I would like to spend my life with but also know that no one is perfect and no one will meet all of these.

She also reminded me that I don't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me. You can't make someone love you or make them do all the things that make you feel appreciated (ie bringing you your favorite drink, buying you a shirt, leaving you a nice note, sending you a random text during the day, complimenting your hair/shirt, etc).

Another friend mentioned that deep down you know when something is right and when it is wrong - whether or not you want to admit it. Everything can line up perfectly but the x factor can be missing and no matter how hard you try to make it work or no matter how much you want it to work, if you are honest then you know you are better off not together and that someone else will compliment you better.

Tough lessons but important ones when you are on the search for a life partner.

Art of Communication - Dating Commentary #29

Although the posts have been regular, there has been quite a lull between when I wrote my last post and today. Communication has been a key theme in my life lately - at work and in dating. Communication breakdowns or different methods of communicating, can cause a lot of problems. In a dating relationship, it may not matter that everything like family, religious beliefs, long term goals, etc line up if communication is failing. In fact, folks with the same way of communicating may not line up always instead I think the 2 people need to have complimentary forms of communicating. Body language, actions, and words all make up communication and it is key to do this right in dating.

When folks say that they aren't fighting in a relationship, I usually think that means that they aren't communicating. It is good to argue, get your point out, talk about your feelings. Just because you are dating, it doesn't mean that you should see eye to eye on everything. In fact, I wouldn't want to see eye to eye on everything. I would like to have lively conversations and different interests so I can expand my world beyond just me.

So, lesson learned...be a good communicator even if in the end it hurts. At least you tried and you learned something from the experience.

How soon is too soon? - Dating Commentary #28

So now that I have mastered going out on a date...let me start again - Now that I have gone out on a few dates...I am now trying to figure out how soon is too soon. How do you start integrating your lives together. When do you invite someone to sporting events with your friends, when do you start expecting to see them more than once on the weekend, when do you know the plans they have for the weekend? It is a frustrating and maybe a little fun time. I guess it is the getting to know you phase.

I think this is part of the DTR conversation but I am not willing to bring it up. As my sister says "You are so the guy in the relationship because you don't want to committ and you are slow to call people back." Ok, so I am not the typical girl who wants to be quick to say we are "boyfriend/girlfriend", I mean a girl needs to keep her options open. But at the same time, I would like a little more consistency (aka planning) to what is going on. I do want to be included on things and want to be more than a buddy or pal that you see once a week. So, what do you do? I guess I should follow my own advice and "Say what you need to say" and have that DTR but I don't want to rock the waters, we shall see what happens...to be continued:)

M's Theory - Dating Commentary #27

Another day, another conversation about dating. Another friend of mine recently gave me her theory on dating. Her theory is that some people are good serial daters while others will never be serial daters due to the make up our brain. What she means by that is this - If I a serial dater then out of a 100 people, I can find 50 or so people I would date so my odds of finding someone I would go out with is 50%. For others, their brain only causes them to find 3 people out of 100 as possible dates. So if those 2 people look at 100 people, the serial daters chance of finding someone is 50% whereas the other is only 3%. This has nothing to do with being picky, just want these different brain make-ups find interesting or attractive to date.

I like the theory - I think I am somewhere in the 5% range. Just don't see a lot of people I would date.

Where's Waldo - Dating Commentary #26

I went out on a date - and it was indeed a date. I had a fun time, great conversation, and figured we would go out at the end of the night. At the end of the date, he said "let me know that you got home safely" so I text him and said I had a good time and he replied with something similar. I figured we would go out again based on this. The following week, we exchanged texts and we mentioned seeing each other at a mutual friend's event. I go to the event and he never shows and I haven't heard from him since. So after acting like he was interested there has been silence. Why would you say you have fun and want to do it again, initiate a text conversation, talk about seeing me, and then silence. So I ask "Where's Waldo?".

Swing Dancing - Dating Commentary #25

From a friend who is a regular reader of my blog:)

My guess is you would be a fan of partner dance terminology...I ask good follows, for example, to describe a good lead so I can improve. All of them say "He's always very deliberate. I know exactly what he wants, and there's no ambiguity." Sounds a bit like some of your recent thoughts.

For those non-dancers out there a "lead" is usually a guy because he is leading the dance and the girl is using the "follow" because she is following the lead and not directing the dance.

Butterflies - Dating Commentary #24

I am looking for those butterflies. I think they define the X factor in the relationship, the chemistry. I know when I get them because my stomach starts to hurt, my heart begins to beat faster, and I think I may get flushed. I use to think that you had to feel those butterflies immediately because that it how it was with my first love. But I have learned that butterflies can develop. For instance, I didn't even give a recent interest a second look when I first met him. But after being friends for awhile and hanging out in social situations and then after a few frates and then a few dates, I got the butterflies. I got nervous when I called him. So the butterflies were starting when we put the brakes on the whole thing. But you do have to be careful to make sure the butterflies are true and not just the chase factor which it may have been in this case. Also, an old flame can generate those butterflies but I think that is probably due the stress they caused in your life at some point:)

So I am looking for those butterflies. Will they come right away and be instant "love or first sight" or will one day I look at a friend or a guy I have been dating and my heart will skip a beat?

Psychology of Facebook

Facebook has been a topic of many of my conversations lately and also something I spent too much time on so I thought I would pause my dating commentary to talk about the Psychology of Facebook. I am fascinated with social networking so this is an interesting topic to me.

First, Facebook breeds stalking. This takes several forms - first is the "friend stalking". You track your friends, their status, their pictures, what they are doing. You don't even have to have a conversation with your friends you can just ask "How was NY" even though the only reason you know they went to NY was because of their status update. Weird, huh?

There is also "I-want-to-be-your-friend stalking". These are the people that you may have met and one of you friended the other on Facebook. You want to get to know these people better so you track what they are doing from afar. They don't know you check their page and that you know what they are up to. This is also known as "creepy stalking".

There is "tantalizing stalking". This is when you post something on purpose in hopes that someone will see the picture, your status, your comment, etc. You want people to know what a great weekend you had or the cool thing that you did or you want people to see how good you looked last weekend. You aren’t just posting things so your friends know what you are up to - you are posting in hopes that a specific friend will check out what you are up to.

There is also "stalking your stalker". This is when you install a program that tracks who visits your page. For instance, you can load StatCounter on your page and it will show all the IPs and their locations across the globe that have visited your page. So you are seeing who is checking out your page.

Seems like society today is breeding stalkers and Facebook is encouraging it. You have to stalk or be stalked...welcome to social networking.

Said What I Needed to Say - Dating Commentary #23

So I have said my peace - maybe not all that I wanted to say but I did have my 3 key points. I still walked away with a few questions but maybe they didn't matter. My advice in dating and life is to have good communications, avoid the drama when possible, and be honest. It may be hard to be honest but there is a line between hurting feelings and keeping hope alive about a relationship so you should make sure that is clear so one person doesn't leave with one message while the other person thought they delivered another message. It will be interesting to see how this turns out - to be friends or not? hang out or not? I don't have a crystal ball so we will see!

Seedling - Dating Commentary #22

As a tribute to my guy friend GameShow, here are his thoughts on dating after reading my blog. This is printed with permission:)

"I think of dating a lot like the life of a seedling. So many things can knock it down: wind, rain, blight, feet, etc. Only a percentage of them actually put down healthy roots and grow into mature trees. But then again, what do I know? I’m single – and a guy to boot"

Done and Done - Dating Commentary #21

This could also be titled "Clue phone, it is for me" or "He is just not into you where have you been". So it has taken me awhile and maybe it has been because I have been out of the dating pool for awhile but I am done with the game. Mr X called earlier to "checkin", whatever that means. No mention of hanging out - more just asking what I was up to and then telling me what he is doing (none of which included me). Needless to say I am done. I have been debating on whether we need to have a convo about it - get the feelings out there, be honest, no drama, short and sweet. But why, I am deciding that I am done with the situation. Done and done!

Emotional Constipation - Dating Commentary #19

I heard this term used today by a friend. She said her boyfriend had "emotional constipation" - he has trouble getting his emotions out. Now the boyfriend was there and it was quite a funny moment and a funny (althought sick) visual. So I had to share this.

On this outing with friends, we talked a lot about dating. The boyfriend said dating was all about intent and not whether or not the guy pays or asks the girl out. My argument was that how are we suppose to know the intent. After bantering on this topic for hours, I think we came to a consensus that while we don't like to play the games of dating that they are necessary because you have to do the dance to see if you are interested and it may take a few dates to figure that out. So, I will continue to dance...it would just nice to find a partner who leads every now and then:)

Pursuit - Dating Commentary #18b

Today I got home and had an email from a friend of mine asking me on a date with a clear plan. He mentioned the date, time, what we would do and then gave me an option to decide on part of the date. Clearly, he has interest and a plan. I guess I am old fashioned but I appreciate that. I am excited about going out with him - for once someone who is purusing me and not leaving me guessing on whether or not this is a date. It is refreshing!

To follow that up, I was out with friends last night and met a guy who was a mutual friend. He also asked me out and was very kind and complimentary. It was unusual, unexpected and quite nice. So I am also going out with him.

I am looking foward to the dates but my heart it elsewhere. Why does our heart always seem to want what we can't have or want the person that doesn't seem to return the interest. Instead of just saying we are done, we continue to try to make it work. At some point, I will have to say "enough is enough" and realize that is not the path I am meant to take.

Too Many Men - Dating Commentary #18a

This is not a problem I have had...well, ever. I think I finally get over the heart break of my life and am ready to open up and have a relationship instead of following my dating rule of one and done. But I can't. Too many people interest me and part of the reason I don't say to one what I feel is because if we decide to date then what do I tell the others that I am interested in. Nice problem to have, eh? But really, I am not sure how much I like any of them or maybe I have just talked myself out of liking any of them because it was easier to be alone. Not easier, but it was safe and I (unfortunately) know how to be alone.

Mr Right wherever you are, I know you will break through these barriers and I know that I won't have to question who you are and if you care and you will give me that movie moment and you will be my best friend and my confidant.

The Past - Dating Commentary #17

Life is funny. Just when you think you are moving on and you have things figured out, ghosts of dating past seem to show up at your door. Ghost #1 is a friendly and entertaining ghost. We were friends, went on a date, realized it wouldn't work, he dated others, got married and sadly enough is now divorced. I am his wingwoman and try to provide advice in the new world of dating to him but I admit, I am more lost than anyone. He is my go to on a Fri night when I need a friend to drink with that understands me. Ghost #2 was a long ago crush that I never could pass the friend barrier with. I had a moment - I remember it like it was yesterday - to pass thru the barrier and make my feelings known but I just couldn't. I saw him and my heart skipped a beat and I thought about the road not traveled. Is it too late? Could I even return to that road or am I too far down a different path?

Hurt and Mad - Dating Commentary #16

I think I have brought my hurt on myself and maybe my anger. I feel like I have communicated that I need to have good communication in a relationhip or in dating and yet I haven't gotten it. When I am into you, I want to talk to you and make plans with you and when I think about future events, I see you in them. But when the feeling is not returned, I guess it is time to move on. When we are together things are great and I feel like we are on the same page but then days, weeks go but until the next thing and the vicious cycle starts over. Maybe I am rushing things, maybe I am not as open as I could be, maybe I should just "say" what I need to say. But I don't. Instead, I am mad, hurt and undoubtly alone.

Hopeless Romantic - Dating Commentary #15

Last night I was out and about with a few friends (well one friend and 3 of her friends). We were at one of the usual spots and I would say I had a "romantic movie" moment. It doesn't take much guys - just be bold and confident!

My group ran into some people they knew and everyone was doing introductions but I was standing a little off to the side because it was crowded and we were in a group of 5 so it was hard to have a conversation. I made eye contact with the one guy who had done introductions but skipped me since I was outside the circle. So he boldly says "What's your name?" and grabs my hand and pulls me through the circle closer to him. Now I had already decided this guy was cute and I am guessing my eyes already conveyed that message, otherwise this might be creapy. We chatted after that but I was quite impressed by his boldness and he even planted one on my cheek and complimented me. So of course I was taken by this and in a sense "swept off my feet" for but a moment. We will see if this leads anywhere but for a moment I remembered what it was like to feel special and it reminded me that I want this always so I shouldn't settle. So thanks to Mr Pull-Me-Through-the-Crowd for making my heart skip a beat and have a movie moment. I hope to meet you again!

Update to this story (as it was months ago) - Found out this guy was engaged. Guys are creeps! But I had the movie moment and it was fun to talk about.

He's Not Into You...Wait - Dating Commentary #14

Just when I was ready to write off my dating friend as not being into me, he calls. Of course he does and the odd thing is that it is a Sat night and he could have call all week long to check in how I was doing. Why are you checking in if you aren't interested, I think? Then I think, why aren't you asking me out while you are calling me so maybe you aren't interested. So I am confused. I am not good at this casual dating thing. When I decide that I am interested in someone then I want to make room for them in my life. And I have a busy life. So it isn't that I want to see you every day but once on the weekend would be nice - even if it is an hr to grab coffeee. I want to make that room for you. Does everyone think like this? Or is this is a new stage of dating that I have to get through to get to expect to see the other person regularly? Are their rules to this crazy dating dance!

She's Not With Him - Dating Commentary #13

Last night I went out with some guy friends and I tried to get some insider informaion on how guys think. They confirmed that it is a very shallow pool to tread in when I inquired that I wanted to take a deep dive into the thoughts of guys. They did reveal one tidbit - not sure if this is universal guy thing or just these fellows. Anyway, they said that when they see a girl with a guy, they automatically assume that the guy and girl are not together. I found this interesting because I automatically assume the opposite - if they are out together then the guy and girl must be together.

This topic was brought up because I said I didn't think a guy and girl could be wingmen/wingwomen for each other because they would look like they were together. My guy friends think to the contrary. This is another example of how differently we all think - no wonder both sides are always confused.

Last Word - Dating Commentary #12

Enough about my dating woes, I want to share some trials and tribulations and questions of others. A friend recently went out with a guy on a few dates (like 8). Things were going well but then he was acting wierd one weekend. After a series of conversations, she sent a text that says "I think it is better off we are just friends." (The fact that she sent a text is a whole other blog topic). No sooner has she sent it than he replies "Yes, I couldn't agree more." It is like he had to have the last word and make it seem like "Oh, yeah I had already thought of that." A simple "ok" or "sure" or "I agree" would have sufficed but no he had to have the last word and stab the knife in a little deeper. Men!

No End - Dating Commentary #11

In this new world of dating, I think people rather just let things trail off than officially end them. I have been inspired by John Mayer's song "Say" which says to "Say what you need to say.". I want to know if we are friends or more. I want to have that difficult conversation. I don't like the in between and the not knowing. I don't want to be the one who you call when you need someone to hang out with or be the one you call if your first plan doesn't work out - I want to be who you want to hang out with and spend time with.

I know it is difficult to have the conversation but once you have gone on a few dates, I think you owe the other person to at least tell them that you aren't interested. And not by text or over email - it should be done either on the phone or in person. For me, I just want to know where the line is and may be I can't interpret the "He is just not into you" signs or I am in denial. But I am asking, how hard is it to just "say what you need to say."?

To Be Friends or Not - Dating Commentary #10

I almost titled this blog "The Art of Mixed Signals". I can understand it, I am probably doing it. I recently went out and when I got home the SATC episode where Carrie and Adian are out on a date is on and throughout the episode she thinks "We are friends" then "No, this is a date". That is the story of my life. I had just gone out and I had the same thoughts throughout the night. Did I want it to be a date - yes. Do I think it was a date - I have no idea.

So right now I just want to know - are we going to be friends or date. I just want to know that at the end of the night, I should expect a pat on the back or a kiss.

I was explaining my mixed signals to a group of girl friends and one guy. The guy told the story of how he was playing the game with his current girlfriend and she finally called him out and said "What is going on?" and he said "Well, I want to be friends" and her reply was "We were never friends to start with so either we are dating or we are nothing." In my case, I was friends first and I think we are at the fork in the road where it could go either way. I just want to know because I don't want to think we might go out this weekend and be disappointed that we don't.

"Date" by Wikipedia - Dating Commentary #9

On my question for defining "dating" or what a "date" is, I have finally turned to the source of all information - Wikipedia. There is a good page of information in dating on Wikipedia, some of which is kind of funny. Here is a quick excerpt:

Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and "date" when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity.

I don't think Wikipedia has led me any closer to defining a date but thought I would give it a shot. A date does involve a pair assessing someone's suitablity to be a partner but really that is the journey of dating and not just a single date. When I go on a date, I am not constantly assessing the suitability, I am enjoying the time I have with the other person and getting to know them. It is only after the date that I start to analyze it all:) Or if it is a bad date, I have already moved on from the analysis stage and started figuring out an exit strategy!

Bennies - Dating Commentary #8.5

I had to interrupt my scheduled commentaries so share a new term that my co-worker came up with today when we were discussing dating, frating, etc. When I asked him if the girl he went to a wedding with was a friend or more, he said "it was bennies". For those that need a definition, "bennies" is "friends with benefits". So we had quite the conversation about frates and bennies - anyone listening would have thought we were talking in another language. Now we will be asking if you are going out with Benny or Betty(the closest we could get to "benefits" for a girl name) to know what kind of date it is. Just to be clear here are some uses:

Are you going out with Benny this weekend?
Was that date a bennie?
That date was so bennie.
So was that a date? It was a bennie.
Is that your friend, date, frate, or bennie?
I've been out on some frates and bennies.

Maybe you had to be there but I just wanted to share another word that we have added to the pop culture dating dictionary - use and enjoy!

I'm A Planner - Dating Commentary #8

I am a planner. I have a very busy life and like to have things scheduled. I usually have a packed weekend of activities - sometimes to the point that I just wanted to "schedule" a night at home. So when it comes to dating, I want to go ahead and know that I have a date on Friday night or Sat night. But it seems that guys are not planners - or at least not the guys I am interested in. I had one say to me "as usual last minute planning...". Why does it have to be last minute? You like me, I like you, let's make a plan and go out. I am all for fly by the seat of my pants and do something crazy, unusual and not plan but when it comes to "a date", just "one date", can we not plan that? I am all for exciting, spur of the moment, "let's do x" but I just want to know that one night this weekend, I will see you and it will be a date. The rest of the weekend, we can do our own things and have other planned activities but if I am interested in you, I would like to see you and maybe sometime in the future those other planned activities will include you.

10 love lessons across the US by TB Lynam

This is an interesting/insightful article about a writer who traveled across the US doing internet dating. Read what she found during her quest here.

Frate - Dating Commentary #7

Frate is my new term for the "Friend Date". Are you on a date or are you on a frate? I was asking myself that last night after I got home from what I thought was a date but by the end of the night, I thought it might be a frate. It didn't help to turn on an SATC re-run and have Carrie ponder the same thing about her relationship with Aiden. There was a whole set of scences that showed them doing something and she would think 'this is a date' and then 'no, he thinks I am his friend'. As I played the evening in my head, I think I had more friend encounters but given the context of the situation, I thought it was a date. I know I am being vague - purposefully though.

I read an article recently and it was about how women just really want to be pursued by men. Sure in this day and age it is acceptable to ask men out, pay for dinner, and even call the guy first. But at the end of the day, I rather the guy call me and ask me out and call me first. The article referenced the famous Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice books and what made the title male character win the female as their passion and the way they put it on the line for their women. Of course it doesn't always work out but where is the reward with no risk? I want to be pursued and I don't want to question if it was a date, I want to know. I don't want to be one of a few women you are seeing, I want to the one you choose to see. Is that too much to ask?

***All ideas on this blog are my own and should not be copied in any format.***

SHE is just not that into you - or is she? article

My friend sent me this article and I think it is summed up well near the end where it says dating is confusing! Thank you! It is and it goes on to say with all the technology available to us and all the different personalities that just makes matters worse because everyone has different signals and because men need decoder rings to figure us women out!

Check out "She's Just Not That Into You - Or Is She?" by Sarah Jio.

Beautiful Women, Supportive Husbands - Dating Commentary #6

Article on AOL.

Andy's Definion of a Date - Dating Commentary #5

In a recent conversation, a friend of a friend was defining a "date" for me. He said a date is when a guy asks a girl out, picks her up, opens the door and pays for dinner. I let him know that that must be the "southern" definition of a date because folks from up North didn't do that. His response - "You are going out with the wrong people". Touché!

Boys are Dumb - Dating Commentary #4

Day X of my Dating Dilemnas blog. This weekend, I was talking to my guy friend who I am in this dating limbo with (see non-date date blog). Anyway, we are talking and I am joking about my one-and-done philosophy and how I can't seem to get past the first date because I usually find something that annoys me. I actually think this is more my problem than the guys but I am working on it and trying to keep interest past the first date. In fact, I reread one of my old blogs about trying to be friends first and seeing what happens and that is exactly what I am trying to do here. Anyway, in response to my one-and-done comment he says "Well, I haven't been on any dates in awhile..." So of course, I think back to our non-date date and have now gotten confirmation that he didn't think it was a date even though it met my criteria of "If boy pays, it is a date." So one of us is clueless, I am beginning to think it is me. Maybe he thought it was a date but he didn't think I thought it was a date because of my one-and-done comment. Since we are friends, maybe we don't want to mess with the balance so it is easier to test the waters with these offhanded comments.

This also reminds me of a cartoon a friend told me about this weekend. A girl and guy are ending their date and both are sitting in the car and talking about how they have been dating for 3 months. The girl then starts to think about how she shouldn't have said something so she is getting all worked up while the guy is thinking about how he needs to get his oil changed because it has been 3 months since he last did it. Just goes to show we women are always overanalyzing and really we shouldn't think much past the words we actually hear.

One and done! - Dating Commentary #3

I have been on several non-date dates lately. Maybe that is best for me because when I start thinking it is a date or I really like the person, I get overly nervous, overly critical and I don't enjoy it. I think I have learned I need to ease into dating and not put so much pressure on myself and the other person. If we go out and have fun, go out again. If they have an annoying habit, ignore it because the habit was always there and you may have just noticed it when you went out and began to be critical of their every move. Enjoy it - that is what dating is about. I think we women go wrong when we go out on one date (or maybe just thinking about the upcoming date) and we start to picture white dresses and how our new name would sound like. It is just a date, that doesn't mean you are getting married!

First Date? - Dating Commentary #2

What makes up a first date? I was recently out with a friend and we struck up a conversation with our neighbor at the bar. Later in the evening after a couple of beers and light conversation with our new friend, he says "Our guess is that you guys are on your first date." At the time, I laughed it off because I wasn't even sure if it was a date (more on that later). But afterwards, I pondered this question. What would he ask that? What vibe were we giving off that made him think it was a first date and not just a date or not just 2 friends hanging out? My theory of girls and guys cannot be just friends nixes the 3rd option - why would just the 2 of you be out if you are just friends? That is a different blog and one I think I have already written it.

I think it is very difficult to navigate this new world of dating that I have found myself in. It use to be simple, boy asks girl out, boy picks up girl, boy pays, boy walks girl to door and boy kisses girl (or some variation of that scenario). Recently, I have been out and been wondering "Is this a date?". If I follow the criteria above, he asked me out, we met out, we had good convo, he paid and then that was it. Was it a date? If you go by the criteria of him paying then it most certainly was a date. But at the end it was more like "see you later pal", so was it a bad date? Maybe I just gave off the friend vibe so he didn't think it was a date. Later, I figure it must be a date because we went out again. But after that non-date date, I again wasn't sure if I had been on a date. Maybe it is because neither of us want to commit and we want to figure out if we are better off friends or could really date so instead of jumping in feet first, we stick a toe in the dating pool.

Best of Atlanta - Mating and Dating

I was looking for a restaurant to go to tonight and found this section on citysearch.

It made me laugh. I would agree with some of the choices listed under each category but a lot of them are good old standbys like the Sundial as a romantic place. I am not knocking because I liked it but it is very cliche. Thought I would share in case folks wanted a good laugh or needed a good idea!

Casual Dating - Date Commentary #1

***Author's Note: I have written several 'dating' themed posts over the last few months and to protect the innocent or guilty, I have decide to begin to publish them so these are thoughts that I have had for the first 6 months of the year and opinions may have changed or shifted during that time but I will be begin to post these as a 'Dating Commentary' series. Enjoy!****

I have decided that this will be my year for casual dating. And I don't mean "casual dating" in the sense of casually hooking up. It is funny that it has taken me this long to realize that you don't have to kiss all the frogs to find out that they aren't the prince, you just have to kiss a few. Taking the stressing of kissing out of the first date is wise advice - maybe take it out of the first few dates. Kissing is fun don't get me wrong but after you kiss a person, it gets a little confusing on whether you are kissing them because it is fun or because you actually like the person and are compatible with them. After the first kiss occurs, the relationship totally changes to. You either feel awkward around them the next time you see them or maybe you have those little butterflies - either way you have just crossed over from casually dating to dating. The kiss signifies a change in the relationship which can mean different things if you are just friends, dating, hooking up, etc. So in light of this revelation that I was taught so long ago but have ignored, I am going to casually date and not feel the pressure to kiss on the first date. I am going to have fun and see what happens. This way if it doesn't work out then it is slightly easier to be friends and not be awkward.

J's Theory on Dating

I have gotten into lots of dating convesations lately with friends so I am passing on some of their opinions and thoughts to make this blog more entertaining and less onesided.

My friend J said that when he wants to get a girl he has a cocktail that works every time - 33% confidence, 33% ambivalent, 33% a**hole, and 1% error. Apparently we girls fall for that everytime. But this magical cocktail doesn't keep the girl. J, I think you should try being the nice guy! And contrary to popular belief, the nice guys does win. And I mean the true nice guy, not the guy that says the right things and the girl falls for it and he was saying the same things to a different girl just the other night!

Different Perspectivies

Recently, a friend and I were chatting about our past dating relationship. It was more like a few dates that didn't progress into anything and it was so long ago that there are no longer hurt feelings or any of the drama associated to the relationship and we are just friends now. We were discussing how things never got off the ground between us and I thought it was me and he thought it was something he did (I will spare the details but we are really friends and this was a very honest and open conversation). So it is funny how two people that are part of the same situation totally see the situation in completely different lights and have totally different impressions and feelings about events that occur. I also think it is important to have these honest and open conversations - this one was probably long overdue. I have realized that communication is so key in relationships and you should jump in with both feet and ask those unasked questions and tell people how you feel. So as my new favorite song by John Mayer says "Say what you need to say...".

I Got Friends in Low Places...

Got to love a little Garth Brook's tune. I have a question/topic I wanted to throw out there for all of us to ponder/mull over (I feel like I just sounded like Marin from Men in Trees "Hello, Elmo. Patrick and I were just discussing..."). I have noticed that the older I get, I am not as good about keeping friends EXCEPT for my college friends. Seems like my college friends have a free pass for life, they can do no wrong. That isn't to say I don't get mad at them but after a few hrs/days, I will eventually forgive and forget. Maybe it is because we lived together 24-7 for 5 years in college and we went through up's and down's together and were by my side as I found out who I was and who they were. Now, I meet people all the time through various channels and we become friends but the bond just isn't the same. They seem more like wanders who spend some time in my life, help me grow, help me along in a difficult time and then they go away either due to marriage, a baby, an argument, etc but they are more like drifters than long lasting friends. It is sad but I feel more compelled to work at my friendships from college and keep those connections no matter the distance than I do with folks that I met later in life. I am not saying this is right by any means. Somtimes I feel like my college friends "know" me better but in reality, they know some version of me that probably doesn't exist any more and the folks I meet now on this journey of life probably know me better. But I don't think we let the walls/boundaries down now as we did back in college so maybe the only person that knows me is really me.

Visits!

So even though I haven't blogged in awhile apparently my old posts are pretty popular. Maybe I missed my calling as being a real life Carrie Bradshaw! Thanks to all the folks that read and enjoy the blog! I hope to have more inspiration so that I have more things to write.

The Blog...

The Blog is not gone but perhaps it has been forgotten or neglected. Truthfully, inspiration hasn't really hit lately but I have started a collection of postings that I will post shortly. I feel like you should only write when you are truly inspired and have something to say. So as not to lose the entertainment value of this post, I will comment on a recent stoplight situation that I have observed in Denver. There is an intersection in Denver where all lights are red and you can basically walk diagonal across the street even though there is only one walk sign. Why would you ever have all directions stopped? This isn't a heavy pedestrian area and it was definitely 30 secs - over a minute with all lanes stopped. What is going on in this city?

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

If you want a non-formuliac book, this book is for you. It is a little hard to get use to how the book is written but once you do, you easily fall in love with the characters. It makes you wonder that if you know the future, can your decisions now really change it? According to the book, what is destined to happen will happen regardless. The more I have spent time away from this book, the more I want to re-read it or read more about Henry and Clare's life. This really is a fascinating topic and a very interesting love story. I can't wait until the movie comes out and I am ready to read The Time Traveler's Daughter now!

Restaurants of 2007

I think I probably missed a few new restaurants alon the way but this is a pretty comprehensive list. I ate at places from Atlanta to DC to Utah to Argentina to Florida to Charlotte. If you need ideas for places to go, see the below list of 46 restaurants (so way past my goal of 29, guess this is easy to achieve when you travel for a living).

Sette Osteria (DC/Dupont)
Zola at the Spy Museum (DC)
Georgia Brown's (DC)
Luna Grill and Diner (DC)
Aqua Bistro (GA)
Sushi-Ko (DC)
Canton Chopsticks (GA)
Zona Rosa (UT)
Wabo House (UT)
Red Rock Brewing Co (UT)
Hungry Moose (UT)
The Oceanaire Seafood Room (GA)
Faccia Luna (VA)
J. Paul's (MD)
Lucky Bar (DC)
Peachtree Diner (ATL)
Element (ATL)
Artuzzi's (ATL)
La Frontera Cantina (DC)
Mexicali Blues (VA)
Miss Meg's (NC)
BBQ (No Ga)
Taiphoon (DC)
Jalisco (ATL)
Hydra (Las Lenas)
Los Rosas (Las Lenas)
El Paso (Las Lenas)
El Miraso (Buenos Aires)
El Drugstore (Col)
Caban los Lenas (Buenos Aires)
Café Tortoni (Buenos Aires)
Rio Alba (Buenos Aires)
Innsbruck (Las Lenas)
La Cima (Las Lenas)
Santa Fe (Las Lenas)
Jackie's (Jacksonville)
Casa Dora (Jacksonville)
Nicole's (Amelia Island)
Horizons (Amelia Island)
Baxter's (Amelia Island)
Mudville Grillty (Jacksonville)
Worman's Deli (Jacksonville)
Somewhere in Helen
Sushi 101 (NC)
Thai House (NC)
Greek Isle (NC)

Books of 2007

And the final count was 23 books - so I missed my mark by 6. Here is the complete list:

The Camel Club by David Baldacci
Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
Everybody Worth Knowing by Lauren Weisberger
When God Winks by SQuire Rushnell
Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner
When God Winks on Love by Squire Rushnell
Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama
The Book of Fate by Brad Meltzer
Beach Road by James Patterson
Wild Justice by Phillip Margolin
Sleeping Beauty by Phillip Margolin
The Sunflower by Richard Paul Evans
The Broker by John Grisham
Small Miracles of love and friendship by Yitta Halberstam and Judith Leventhal
The Collectors by David Baldacci
Sammy's House by Kristin Gore
Three weeks with my brother by Nicholas Sparks
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling
Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationsips by Chip Ingram
The Choice by Nicolas Sparks
Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr Henry Cloud

PS I Love You

I loved this movie despite what the critics say. The plot pulled at my heart strings and I spent much of the movie with quiet tears rolling down my cheeks. This story is for all classic romantics. The actors (Hillary Swank and the oh so hot Gerard Butler) make you fall in love with them and their story. You feel Hillary's pain and hurt over the loss of her husband. The loving letters that her husband sends to help her move on are truly touching. There is true depth to this story. It does help that the husband has an attractive Irish accent and sends his wife on a trip to gorgeous Ireland to help heal her broken heart. This is what everyone wants in life to be loved and have a romance story. It is hard to see the pain of loss and Hillary's performance makes you feel all of her hurts as well as all of her love. The move is not to be missed if you are true romantic and was worth the $10 at the thearte.

PS I Love You