That's All Folks - #46

I think sharing my dating exploits on my blog have come to an end. I have enjoyed sharing my dating adventures and my own insights and observations on men and women. I truly enjoy writing and channeling Sarah Jessica Parker's SATC character. But, I cherish the moments right now and thoroughly am enjoying my dating life and I don't think it is right to share these very personal and special moments. So I am suspending sharing my dating stories for now. There are many dates going on and they are awesome!

I do want to close out this blog series by saying that the guy that you hope and dream and pray for is out there and he will be better than what you hoped, dreamed, and prayed for so don't give up! But do continue going out on dates, all those one-and-done dates and dating around helped me figure out things about myself first and foremost and also helped me to better recognize the something special that I found.

Easy - #45

It is easy. I can't believe how easy this relationship is. I know issues will come but right now I feel like we can do anything if we trust each other and communicate. My aunt once told me "A relationship should be easy...especially in this time of your life. There are plenty of times where it will be complicated when you are married and have kids...it will be hard...but now should be easy." I always thought that made since but it wasn't until I found easy that I truly appreciate and understand it. I think it is easy because you are with the one you are supposed to be with and because the lines of communication are wide open. So look for easy...who wants hard and complicated and yucky anyway, easy is enjoyable and fun.

Making it Work - #44

I have been in relationships that I felt like I had to make it work but I think relationships are best when they just work. I am not saying that it won't ever take work but if you do key things like communicate and you are open with feelings, thoughts, past hurts, etc then it seems to go a long way. I also think an unwritten connection also helps. I am glad to be in a relationship where I don't feel like I have to make it work but rather it just works.

For Women Only - #43

I recently finished "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldman. She was a guest speaker at our church several years ago and I have heard a lot about the book but finally picked it up to read for myself. While the book is geared towards married women, I think any woman can gain insight into the male mind by reading this book. Here are a few key themes from the book that I think are important to know:

1. Men want their women to make an effort to look good (ie don't just wear sweats and not put on make-up around the house, the effort is the important part)
2. Men want to appear in control but often they are insecure so don't feed their insecurity instead support and love them
3. Sex is emotional for men just like romance is emotional for us
4. Men want to provide for their woman and family
5. Men are visual and visuals pop up all the time throughout the day for them

The book it packed with research and explains all of these ideas better than I can but it is enlighting to think about. It may change how you approach a date or a relatioship, I know it will make me think twice about how my actions may appear to my male companion versus how I think he interprets them.

Boyfriend without Benefits - #42

So I have entered a new realm of dating. We all know about "friends with benefits" but I think I am now in a relationship that is best described as "boyfriend without benefits". I feel like we are dating, we talk and share deep thoughts that you would with a boyfriend and we go out to dinner and watch movies like you might on a date but that is where it ends. There is a lot of gray to this situation - feelings can get hurt if someone reads the situation differently that the other person.

Sometimes I think I like the gray. When it is gray, if it goes one way you can think "oh, yeah I thought we were just friends and I didn't get hurt" or if it goes the other way you think "oh, yeah, we have been dating this whole time and we are into each other". But when there is gray, there are no rules and I am not sure relationships do well without a framework or a basis for what you are. I don't think boyfriend without benefits is any better than a friend with benefits - too much gray!

Does History Repeat Itself - #40

I was writing Christmas cards (guess that gives the time of this blog away) and I was addressing one to a good friend from college. This particular friend is a guy and he is now happily married with a beautiful daughter. During college, this friend and I were just that good friends. We did a lot together but each dated someone else. We met my first semester in college and stayed friends until the end. There was however one bump in the road - it came our 4th year in school. By this point, most everyone thought we were more than friends but we were just friends. Until one evening when I took him as a date to a sorority function and it was clear that there was interest. I wish it was happily ever after but it was more like happily ever 1 week before I met Mr I-thought-at-the-time-you-were-perfect and we seriously dated for the next few years. And not long after he met his Mrs Right and later married her. Did dating change our relationship - absolutely. Was I invited to the wedding - yes. Have we stayed friends - Let's be honeset, the wife hates me.

So as I write his Christmas card, I think back on my dating life and again think how many male friends I have had in my life. I am like a male friend magnet but never seem to get past the friends stage. In some cases that is ok, in some cases he had interest and I didn't, some cases I had interest and he didn't and other times, it was a timing thing. I have always been comfortable with male friends, I just hate losing them all when they get married. Male friends are less maintenance than female friends. They aren't competitive, they are laid back and put less pressure on (I am not dissing my girl friends - they are awesome and wouldn't trade them for anything but guys tend to be easier).

As someone wise once said, it doesn't work out until it does. So I will keep waiting for that one that will work out.

Girls like Leaders - #39

I was having dinner recently with 2 girl friends and like all great conversation between women, we eventually talk about men. The question of what characteristcs we want in a man arises. I start off with a superficial things that draw me to a guy but we quickly get to the more importan traits.

1. A Godly man
2. A man who is a leader

I will stop there for now. I think this is an important one (#1 is definitely important but I think required less discussion so I will give my thoughtso n #2). We women don't want a boss of us, someone telling us what to do or being domineering. But we do want a man who is a leader and who takes action when he needs to and sits on the sides when he needs to. We want someone who is ok making decisions and giving us guidance but also ok to step aside when it is our time to shine. These are traits of a good leader. I think we are all attracted to the leader in the crowd, people look up to the leader, they want to be the leader, and the leader is surrounded by people.

Granny's Dating Theory - #38

Recently, my grandmother was asking me about my dating life. She knew I had gone out with a few people and wanted to know the status. So I shared with her that I had ended it with one guy and that another guy had ended it with me and that currently I am not dating anyone. My grandmother turns to me and says:

"Don't you know that dating is like getting a job. You can't quit the first one without having another one lined up."

Go Granny!

Example 1,342,532 of Why Girls and Guys Can't Be Friends - #37

So again my theory of guys and girls being friends is blown. Sure I think after some awkwardness and you work through feelings and time passess yadayadayada, you can be friends. But that doesn't gurantee that the issues of the heart won't resurface at some point.

So I really have 2 latest examples. Example 1, I am friends with a guy and we spend a lot of time together eventually one begins to wonder and then there you are up late at night talking and now the balance of the group is thrown off. All the folks in the group just aren't friends and jealousy begins to rear its ugly head. But hey, "you are just friends". And on top of that everyone wants to know - what is up with you and so-and-so, and my answer is that I don't know and I am thinking, I do not want everyone in my business. So the ugly cycle begins again.

Example 2, you are friends, you date your friend, and then you can't be friends. Sure you say you want to be friends. You say hi and go through the motions and you run into each other and try not to be awkward. But if you were friends, at least friends like you use to be, then there would be a lote more to say between you and you wouldn't avoid each other like the plague in a group of 10 people where you each stand on opposite sides of the crowd. And you definitely wouldn't say "You look nice" - why would you say that because that is not a friend-like comment. So, after sometime, we can be friends but not today and not right now. See you in the future.

Enemies Close - #36

Other girls are competition - bottom line. It doesn't matter if you have been friends for awhile or new friends, you cannot share a guy and you cannot both pursue the same guy at at the same time. It doesn't work - it is a competition and then girls get all sly and they act as if they are your friend but really they are doing a recon mission on your time with the guy or they want to drop hints about their interaction with the guy. So keep your friend close but your competition even closer. At least that is what I have witnessed happened. Do you want to be my friend or do you just want to know how my relationship is progressing? Interesting to ponder.

Pseudo Boyfriend - #35

The other day I was talking to my guy friend about how I have a few events coming up that would be ideal to take a date too. He offered to be my "pseudo-boyfriend". He did say that I might miss out on Mr Right if I take him to things but he would be glad to fill in. Pseudo-boyfriend - interesting concept. It is definitely great to bring someone to things and have someone "with" you versus being the 3rd wheel or odd man out. But if you are my "pseudo-boyfriend", at one point will one or both of us look at each other and think differently? What are the lines of a pseudo-boyfriend? They are bound to be crossed if you are playing the role of a boyfriend, don't you think?