Art of Communication - Dating Commentary #29

Although the posts have been regular, there has been quite a lull between when I wrote my last post and today. Communication has been a key theme in my life lately - at work and in dating. Communication breakdowns or different methods of communicating, can cause a lot of problems. In a dating relationship, it may not matter that everything like family, religious beliefs, long term goals, etc line up if communication is failing. In fact, folks with the same way of communicating may not line up always instead I think the 2 people need to have complimentary forms of communicating. Body language, actions, and words all make up communication and it is key to do this right in dating.

When folks say that they aren't fighting in a relationship, I usually think that means that they aren't communicating. It is good to argue, get your point out, talk about your feelings. Just because you are dating, it doesn't mean that you should see eye to eye on everything. In fact, I wouldn't want to see eye to eye on everything. I would like to have lively conversations and different interests so I can expand my world beyond just me.

So, lesson learned...be a good communicator even if in the end it hurts. At least you tried and you learned something from the experience.

How soon is too soon? - Dating Commentary #28

So now that I have mastered going out on a date...let me start again - Now that I have gone out on a few dates...I am now trying to figure out how soon is too soon. How do you start integrating your lives together. When do you invite someone to sporting events with your friends, when do you start expecting to see them more than once on the weekend, when do you know the plans they have for the weekend? It is a frustrating and maybe a little fun time. I guess it is the getting to know you phase.

I think this is part of the DTR conversation but I am not willing to bring it up. As my sister says "You are so the guy in the relationship because you don't want to committ and you are slow to call people back." Ok, so I am not the typical girl who wants to be quick to say we are "boyfriend/girlfriend", I mean a girl needs to keep her options open. But at the same time, I would like a little more consistency (aka planning) to what is going on. I do want to be included on things and want to be more than a buddy or pal that you see once a week. So, what do you do? I guess I should follow my own advice and "Say what you need to say" and have that DTR but I don't want to rock the waters, we shall see what happens...to be continued:)

M's Theory - Dating Commentary #27

Another day, another conversation about dating. Another friend of mine recently gave me her theory on dating. Her theory is that some people are good serial daters while others will never be serial daters due to the make up our brain. What she means by that is this - If I a serial dater then out of a 100 people, I can find 50 or so people I would date so my odds of finding someone I would go out with is 50%. For others, their brain only causes them to find 3 people out of 100 as possible dates. So if those 2 people look at 100 people, the serial daters chance of finding someone is 50% whereas the other is only 3%. This has nothing to do with being picky, just want these different brain make-ups find interesting or attractive to date.

I like the theory - I think I am somewhere in the 5% range. Just don't see a lot of people I would date.

Where's Waldo - Dating Commentary #26

I went out on a date - and it was indeed a date. I had a fun time, great conversation, and figured we would go out at the end of the night. At the end of the date, he said "let me know that you got home safely" so I text him and said I had a good time and he replied with something similar. I figured we would go out again based on this. The following week, we exchanged texts and we mentioned seeing each other at a mutual friend's event. I go to the event and he never shows and I haven't heard from him since. So after acting like he was interested there has been silence. Why would you say you have fun and want to do it again, initiate a text conversation, talk about seeing me, and then silence. So I ask "Where's Waldo?".

Swing Dancing - Dating Commentary #25

From a friend who is a regular reader of my blog:)

My guess is you would be a fan of partner dance terminology...I ask good follows, for example, to describe a good lead so I can improve. All of them say "He's always very deliberate. I know exactly what he wants, and there's no ambiguity." Sounds a bit like some of your recent thoughts.

For those non-dancers out there a "lead" is usually a guy because he is leading the dance and the girl is using the "follow" because she is following the lead and not directing the dance.