Hopeless Romantic - Dating Commentary #15

Last night I was out and about with a few friends (well one friend and 3 of her friends). We were at one of the usual spots and I would say I had a "romantic movie" moment. It doesn't take much guys - just be bold and confident!

My group ran into some people they knew and everyone was doing introductions but I was standing a little off to the side because it was crowded and we were in a group of 5 so it was hard to have a conversation. I made eye contact with the one guy who had done introductions but skipped me since I was outside the circle. So he boldly says "What's your name?" and grabs my hand and pulls me through the circle closer to him. Now I had already decided this guy was cute and I am guessing my eyes already conveyed that message, otherwise this might be creapy. We chatted after that but I was quite impressed by his boldness and he even planted one on my cheek and complimented me. So of course I was taken by this and in a sense "swept off my feet" for but a moment. We will see if this leads anywhere but for a moment I remembered what it was like to feel special and it reminded me that I want this always so I shouldn't settle. So thanks to Mr Pull-Me-Through-the-Crowd for making my heart skip a beat and have a movie moment. I hope to meet you again!

Update to this story (as it was months ago) - Found out this guy was engaged. Guys are creeps! But I had the movie moment and it was fun to talk about.

He's Not Into You...Wait - Dating Commentary #14

Just when I was ready to write off my dating friend as not being into me, he calls. Of course he does and the odd thing is that it is a Sat night and he could have call all week long to check in how I was doing. Why are you checking in if you aren't interested, I think? Then I think, why aren't you asking me out while you are calling me so maybe you aren't interested. So I am confused. I am not good at this casual dating thing. When I decide that I am interested in someone then I want to make room for them in my life. And I have a busy life. So it isn't that I want to see you every day but once on the weekend would be nice - even if it is an hr to grab coffeee. I want to make that room for you. Does everyone think like this? Or is this is a new stage of dating that I have to get through to get to expect to see the other person regularly? Are their rules to this crazy dating dance!

She's Not With Him - Dating Commentary #13

Last night I went out with some guy friends and I tried to get some insider informaion on how guys think. They confirmed that it is a very shallow pool to tread in when I inquired that I wanted to take a deep dive into the thoughts of guys. They did reveal one tidbit - not sure if this is universal guy thing or just these fellows. Anyway, they said that when they see a girl with a guy, they automatically assume that the guy and girl are not together. I found this interesting because I automatically assume the opposite - if they are out together then the guy and girl must be together.

This topic was brought up because I said I didn't think a guy and girl could be wingmen/wingwomen for each other because they would look like they were together. My guy friends think to the contrary. This is another example of how differently we all think - no wonder both sides are always confused.

Last Word - Dating Commentary #12

Enough about my dating woes, I want to share some trials and tribulations and questions of others. A friend recently went out with a guy on a few dates (like 8). Things were going well but then he was acting wierd one weekend. After a series of conversations, she sent a text that says "I think it is better off we are just friends." (The fact that she sent a text is a whole other blog topic). No sooner has she sent it than he replies "Yes, I couldn't agree more." It is like he had to have the last word and make it seem like "Oh, yeah I had already thought of that." A simple "ok" or "sure" or "I agree" would have sufficed but no he had to have the last word and stab the knife in a little deeper. Men!

No End - Dating Commentary #11

In this new world of dating, I think people rather just let things trail off than officially end them. I have been inspired by John Mayer's song "Say" which says to "Say what you need to say.". I want to know if we are friends or more. I want to have that difficult conversation. I don't like the in between and the not knowing. I don't want to be the one who you call when you need someone to hang out with or be the one you call if your first plan doesn't work out - I want to be who you want to hang out with and spend time with.

I know it is difficult to have the conversation but once you have gone on a few dates, I think you owe the other person to at least tell them that you aren't interested. And not by text or over email - it should be done either on the phone or in person. For me, I just want to know where the line is and may be I can't interpret the "He is just not into you" signs or I am in denial. But I am asking, how hard is it to just "say what you need to say."?

To Be Friends or Not - Dating Commentary #10

I almost titled this blog "The Art of Mixed Signals". I can understand it, I am probably doing it. I recently went out and when I got home the SATC episode where Carrie and Adian are out on a date is on and throughout the episode she thinks "We are friends" then "No, this is a date". That is the story of my life. I had just gone out and I had the same thoughts throughout the night. Did I want it to be a date - yes. Do I think it was a date - I have no idea.

So right now I just want to know - are we going to be friends or date. I just want to know that at the end of the night, I should expect a pat on the back or a kiss.

I was explaining my mixed signals to a group of girl friends and one guy. The guy told the story of how he was playing the game with his current girlfriend and she finally called him out and said "What is going on?" and he said "Well, I want to be friends" and her reply was "We were never friends to start with so either we are dating or we are nothing." In my case, I was friends first and I think we are at the fork in the road where it could go either way. I just want to know because I don't want to think we might go out this weekend and be disappointed that we don't.

"Date" by Wikipedia - Dating Commentary #9

On my question for defining "dating" or what a "date" is, I have finally turned to the source of all information - Wikipedia. There is a good page of information in dating on Wikipedia, some of which is kind of funny. Here is a quick excerpt:

Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and "date" when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity.

I don't think Wikipedia has led me any closer to defining a date but thought I would give it a shot. A date does involve a pair assessing someone's suitablity to be a partner but really that is the journey of dating and not just a single date. When I go on a date, I am not constantly assessing the suitability, I am enjoying the time I have with the other person and getting to know them. It is only after the date that I start to analyze it all:) Or if it is a bad date, I have already moved on from the analysis stage and started figuring out an exit strategy!

Bennies - Dating Commentary #8.5

I had to interrupt my scheduled commentaries so share a new term that my co-worker came up with today when we were discussing dating, frating, etc. When I asked him if the girl he went to a wedding with was a friend or more, he said "it was bennies". For those that need a definition, "bennies" is "friends with benefits". So we had quite the conversation about frates and bennies - anyone listening would have thought we were talking in another language. Now we will be asking if you are going out with Benny or Betty(the closest we could get to "benefits" for a girl name) to know what kind of date it is. Just to be clear here are some uses:

Are you going out with Benny this weekend?
Was that date a bennie?
That date was so bennie.
So was that a date? It was a bennie.
Is that your friend, date, frate, or bennie?
I've been out on some frates and bennies.

Maybe you had to be there but I just wanted to share another word that we have added to the pop culture dating dictionary - use and enjoy!

I'm A Planner - Dating Commentary #8

I am a planner. I have a very busy life and like to have things scheduled. I usually have a packed weekend of activities - sometimes to the point that I just wanted to "schedule" a night at home. So when it comes to dating, I want to go ahead and know that I have a date on Friday night or Sat night. But it seems that guys are not planners - or at least not the guys I am interested in. I had one say to me "as usual last minute planning...". Why does it have to be last minute? You like me, I like you, let's make a plan and go out. I am all for fly by the seat of my pants and do something crazy, unusual and not plan but when it comes to "a date", just "one date", can we not plan that? I am all for exciting, spur of the moment, "let's do x" but I just want to know that one night this weekend, I will see you and it will be a date. The rest of the weekend, we can do our own things and have other planned activities but if I am interested in you, I would like to see you and maybe sometime in the future those other planned activities will include you.

10 love lessons across the US by TB Lynam

This is an interesting/insightful article about a writer who traveled across the US doing internet dating. Read what she found during her quest here.

Frate - Dating Commentary #7

Frate is my new term for the "Friend Date". Are you on a date or are you on a frate? I was asking myself that last night after I got home from what I thought was a date but by the end of the night, I thought it might be a frate. It didn't help to turn on an SATC re-run and have Carrie ponder the same thing about her relationship with Aiden. There was a whole set of scences that showed them doing something and she would think 'this is a date' and then 'no, he thinks I am his friend'. As I played the evening in my head, I think I had more friend encounters but given the context of the situation, I thought it was a date. I know I am being vague - purposefully though.

I read an article recently and it was about how women just really want to be pursued by men. Sure in this day and age it is acceptable to ask men out, pay for dinner, and even call the guy first. But at the end of the day, I rather the guy call me and ask me out and call me first. The article referenced the famous Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice books and what made the title male character win the female as their passion and the way they put it on the line for their women. Of course it doesn't always work out but where is the reward with no risk? I want to be pursued and I don't want to question if it was a date, I want to know. I don't want to be one of a few women you are seeing, I want to the one you choose to see. Is that too much to ask?

***All ideas on this blog are my own and should not be copied in any format.***

SHE is just not that into you - or is she? article

My friend sent me this article and I think it is summed up well near the end where it says dating is confusing! Thank you! It is and it goes on to say with all the technology available to us and all the different personalities that just makes matters worse because everyone has different signals and because men need decoder rings to figure us women out!

Check out "She's Just Not That Into You - Or Is She?" by Sarah Jio.

Beautiful Women, Supportive Husbands - Dating Commentary #6

Article on AOL.

Andy's Definion of a Date - Dating Commentary #5

In a recent conversation, a friend of a friend was defining a "date" for me. He said a date is when a guy asks a girl out, picks her up, opens the door and pays for dinner. I let him know that that must be the "southern" definition of a date because folks from up North didn't do that. His response - "You are going out with the wrong people". Touché!

Boys are Dumb - Dating Commentary #4

Day X of my Dating Dilemnas blog. This weekend, I was talking to my guy friend who I am in this dating limbo with (see non-date date blog). Anyway, we are talking and I am joking about my one-and-done philosophy and how I can't seem to get past the first date because I usually find something that annoys me. I actually think this is more my problem than the guys but I am working on it and trying to keep interest past the first date. In fact, I reread one of my old blogs about trying to be friends first and seeing what happens and that is exactly what I am trying to do here. Anyway, in response to my one-and-done comment he says "Well, I haven't been on any dates in awhile..." So of course, I think back to our non-date date and have now gotten confirmation that he didn't think it was a date even though it met my criteria of "If boy pays, it is a date." So one of us is clueless, I am beginning to think it is me. Maybe he thought it was a date but he didn't think I thought it was a date because of my one-and-done comment. Since we are friends, maybe we don't want to mess with the balance so it is easier to test the waters with these offhanded comments.

This also reminds me of a cartoon a friend told me about this weekend. A girl and guy are ending their date and both are sitting in the car and talking about how they have been dating for 3 months. The girl then starts to think about how she shouldn't have said something so she is getting all worked up while the guy is thinking about how he needs to get his oil changed because it has been 3 months since he last did it. Just goes to show we women are always overanalyzing and really we shouldn't think much past the words we actually hear.

One and done! - Dating Commentary #3

I have been on several non-date dates lately. Maybe that is best for me because when I start thinking it is a date or I really like the person, I get overly nervous, overly critical and I don't enjoy it. I think I have learned I need to ease into dating and not put so much pressure on myself and the other person. If we go out and have fun, go out again. If they have an annoying habit, ignore it because the habit was always there and you may have just noticed it when you went out and began to be critical of their every move. Enjoy it - that is what dating is about. I think we women go wrong when we go out on one date (or maybe just thinking about the upcoming date) and we start to picture white dresses and how our new name would sound like. It is just a date, that doesn't mean you are getting married!

First Date? - Dating Commentary #2

What makes up a first date? I was recently out with a friend and we struck up a conversation with our neighbor at the bar. Later in the evening after a couple of beers and light conversation with our new friend, he says "Our guess is that you guys are on your first date." At the time, I laughed it off because I wasn't even sure if it was a date (more on that later). But afterwards, I pondered this question. What would he ask that? What vibe were we giving off that made him think it was a first date and not just a date or not just 2 friends hanging out? My theory of girls and guys cannot be just friends nixes the 3rd option - why would just the 2 of you be out if you are just friends? That is a different blog and one I think I have already written it.

I think it is very difficult to navigate this new world of dating that I have found myself in. It use to be simple, boy asks girl out, boy picks up girl, boy pays, boy walks girl to door and boy kisses girl (or some variation of that scenario). Recently, I have been out and been wondering "Is this a date?". If I follow the criteria above, he asked me out, we met out, we had good convo, he paid and then that was it. Was it a date? If you go by the criteria of him paying then it most certainly was a date. But at the end it was more like "see you later pal", so was it a bad date? Maybe I just gave off the friend vibe so he didn't think it was a date. Later, I figure it must be a date because we went out again. But after that non-date date, I again wasn't sure if I had been on a date. Maybe it is because neither of us want to commit and we want to figure out if we are better off friends or could really date so instead of jumping in feet first, we stick a toe in the dating pool.

Best of Atlanta - Mating and Dating

I was looking for a restaurant to go to tonight and found this section on citysearch.

It made me laugh. I would agree with some of the choices listed under each category but a lot of them are good old standbys like the Sundial as a romantic place. I am not knocking because I liked it but it is very cliche. Thought I would share in case folks wanted a good laugh or needed a good idea!

Casual Dating - Date Commentary #1

***Author's Note: I have written several 'dating' themed posts over the last few months and to protect the innocent or guilty, I have decide to begin to publish them so these are thoughts that I have had for the first 6 months of the year and opinions may have changed or shifted during that time but I will be begin to post these as a 'Dating Commentary' series. Enjoy!****

I have decided that this will be my year for casual dating. And I don't mean "casual dating" in the sense of casually hooking up. It is funny that it has taken me this long to realize that you don't have to kiss all the frogs to find out that they aren't the prince, you just have to kiss a few. Taking the stressing of kissing out of the first date is wise advice - maybe take it out of the first few dates. Kissing is fun don't get me wrong but after you kiss a person, it gets a little confusing on whether you are kissing them because it is fun or because you actually like the person and are compatible with them. After the first kiss occurs, the relationship totally changes to. You either feel awkward around them the next time you see them or maybe you have those little butterflies - either way you have just crossed over from casually dating to dating. The kiss signifies a change in the relationship which can mean different things if you are just friends, dating, hooking up, etc. So in light of this revelation that I was taught so long ago but have ignored, I am going to casually date and not feel the pressure to kiss on the first date. I am going to have fun and see what happens. This way if it doesn't work out then it is slightly easier to be friends and not be awkward.

J's Theory on Dating

I have gotten into lots of dating convesations lately with friends so I am passing on some of their opinions and thoughts to make this blog more entertaining and less onesided.

My friend J said that when he wants to get a girl he has a cocktail that works every time - 33% confidence, 33% ambivalent, 33% a**hole, and 1% error. Apparently we girls fall for that everytime. But this magical cocktail doesn't keep the girl. J, I think you should try being the nice guy! And contrary to popular belief, the nice guys does win. And I mean the true nice guy, not the guy that says the right things and the girl falls for it and he was saying the same things to a different girl just the other night!