He's Just Not That Into You

It seems like most of my interesting material for my blog comes from my dating relationships or the lack there of. I seem to be inspired by Carrie Bradshaw’s character from SATC as of late. Although, I would also consider myself part food critic/movie critic but for this latest blog, I will once again turn to my favorite topic of (not) dating.

I was sitting at my desk at work this week when I had an epiphany. Here I was wondering for the umpteenth time why my crush had said he would call – not just once but he said the words “I will call you” twice. This was over 3 weeks ago and I had begun to lose hope at about the 1 and a half week mark. As I continued down that thought path, I remember my own unreturned email from a recent date. We had gone on a date, he followed up via email, I responded, he emailed back and I…well, I did nothing. Doing nothing is better than doing something to encourage further email or encourage further dates. It was then that I had my “Aha” moment. My crush doesn’t like me because he didn’t call me like he said he was. I am sure this must be a chapter straight out of “He’s Just Not That In To You”. Why do women try to make up excuses for their crush, boyfriend, etc for not calling when in fact we as women don’t return the phone call or email when we are not interested. If you are interested, you are excited about talking to that person or emailing that person, if you aren’t excited then you are “too busy” to return the call or email. Scary that it took my 20+ years to learn this lesson.

I think this rule is applicable 98% of the time. I think sometimes the call back or initial phone call doesn’t happen because one person is scared. Scared of possible rejection so instead of making the call or returning the call, they avoid the situation and choose to go the unknown route. Instead of resolving an issue, they let the issue die with time and never really resolve whether or not the relationship could go further. So the relationship is kind of a ping pong match of “do they like me, they act like they like me when we are together, they tell people they like me but there is no action.” This unfortunately can drag a non-relationship relationship out for months/years with neither person really being satisfied. This example falls somewhere in that 2% - maybe a ½ of a percent.

Back to the 98% situation for a sec. Is it better to return the call or email or let it die with time? I usually just don’t return the call which is probably something you did in high school but something you shouldn’t do as you mature. Is it better to know that you are rejected or better to go on with false hope? I have had crushes that lasted way too long because of false hope yet I am not good at all about giving the guy the boot – I choose avoidance myself but is that the right answer?