"Date" by Wikipedia - Dating Commentary #9

On my question for defining "dating" or what a "date" is, I have finally turned to the source of all information - Wikipedia. There is a good page of information in dating on Wikipedia, some of which is kind of funny. Here is a quick excerpt:

Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and "date" when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity.

I don't think Wikipedia has led me any closer to defining a date but thought I would give it a shot. A date does involve a pair assessing someone's suitablity to be a partner but really that is the journey of dating and not just a single date. When I go on a date, I am not constantly assessing the suitability, I am enjoying the time I have with the other person and getting to know them. It is only after the date that I start to analyze it all:) Or if it is a bad date, I have already moved on from the analysis stage and started figuring out an exit strategy!

Bennies - Dating Commentary #8.5

I had to interrupt my scheduled commentaries so share a new term that my co-worker came up with today when we were discussing dating, frating, etc. When I asked him if the girl he went to a wedding with was a friend or more, he said "it was bennies". For those that need a definition, "bennies" is "friends with benefits". So we had quite the conversation about frates and bennies - anyone listening would have thought we were talking in another language. Now we will be asking if you are going out with Benny or Betty(the closest we could get to "benefits" for a girl name) to know what kind of date it is. Just to be clear here are some uses:

Are you going out with Benny this weekend?
Was that date a bennie?
That date was so bennie.
So was that a date? It was a bennie.
Is that your friend, date, frate, or bennie?
I've been out on some frates and bennies.

Maybe you had to be there but I just wanted to share another word that we have added to the pop culture dating dictionary - use and enjoy!

I'm A Planner - Dating Commentary #8

I am a planner. I have a very busy life and like to have things scheduled. I usually have a packed weekend of activities - sometimes to the point that I just wanted to "schedule" a night at home. So when it comes to dating, I want to go ahead and know that I have a date on Friday night or Sat night. But it seems that guys are not planners - or at least not the guys I am interested in. I had one say to me "as usual last minute planning...". Why does it have to be last minute? You like me, I like you, let's make a plan and go out. I am all for fly by the seat of my pants and do something crazy, unusual and not plan but when it comes to "a date", just "one date", can we not plan that? I am all for exciting, spur of the moment, "let's do x" but I just want to know that one night this weekend, I will see you and it will be a date. The rest of the weekend, we can do our own things and have other planned activities but if I am interested in you, I would like to see you and maybe sometime in the future those other planned activities will include you.

10 love lessons across the US by TB Lynam

This is an interesting/insightful article about a writer who traveled across the US doing internet dating. Read what she found during her quest here.

Frate - Dating Commentary #7

Frate is my new term for the "Friend Date". Are you on a date or are you on a frate? I was asking myself that last night after I got home from what I thought was a date but by the end of the night, I thought it might be a frate. It didn't help to turn on an SATC re-run and have Carrie ponder the same thing about her relationship with Aiden. There was a whole set of scences that showed them doing something and she would think 'this is a date' and then 'no, he thinks I am his friend'. As I played the evening in my head, I think I had more friend encounters but given the context of the situation, I thought it was a date. I know I am being vague - purposefully though.

I read an article recently and it was about how women just really want to be pursued by men. Sure in this day and age it is acceptable to ask men out, pay for dinner, and even call the guy first. But at the end of the day, I rather the guy call me and ask me out and call me first. The article referenced the famous Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice books and what made the title male character win the female as their passion and the way they put it on the line for their women. Of course it doesn't always work out but where is the reward with no risk? I want to be pursued and I don't want to question if it was a date, I want to know. I don't want to be one of a few women you are seeing, I want to the one you choose to see. Is that too much to ask?

***All ideas on this blog are my own and should not be copied in any format.***

SHE is just not that into you - or is she? article

My friend sent me this article and I think it is summed up well near the end where it says dating is confusing! Thank you! It is and it goes on to say with all the technology available to us and all the different personalities that just makes matters worse because everyone has different signals and because men need decoder rings to figure us women out!

Check out "She's Just Not That Into You - Or Is She?" by Sarah Jio.

Beautiful Women, Supportive Husbands - Dating Commentary #6

Article on AOL.

Andy's Definion of a Date - Dating Commentary #5

In a recent conversation, a friend of a friend was defining a "date" for me. He said a date is when a guy asks a girl out, picks her up, opens the door and pays for dinner. I let him know that that must be the "southern" definition of a date because folks from up North didn't do that. His response - "You are going out with the wrong people". Touché!

Boys are Dumb - Dating Commentary #4

Day X of my Dating Dilemnas blog. This weekend, I was talking to my guy friend who I am in this dating limbo with (see non-date date blog). Anyway, we are talking and I am joking about my one-and-done philosophy and how I can't seem to get past the first date because I usually find something that annoys me. I actually think this is more my problem than the guys but I am working on it and trying to keep interest past the first date. In fact, I reread one of my old blogs about trying to be friends first and seeing what happens and that is exactly what I am trying to do here. Anyway, in response to my one-and-done comment he says "Well, I haven't been on any dates in awhile..." So of course, I think back to our non-date date and have now gotten confirmation that he didn't think it was a date even though it met my criteria of "If boy pays, it is a date." So one of us is clueless, I am beginning to think it is me. Maybe he thought it was a date but he didn't think I thought it was a date because of my one-and-done comment. Since we are friends, maybe we don't want to mess with the balance so it is easier to test the waters with these offhanded comments.

This also reminds me of a cartoon a friend told me about this weekend. A girl and guy are ending their date and both are sitting in the car and talking about how they have been dating for 3 months. The girl then starts to think about how she shouldn't have said something so she is getting all worked up while the guy is thinking about how he needs to get his oil changed because it has been 3 months since he last did it. Just goes to show we women are always overanalyzing and really we shouldn't think much past the words we actually hear.

One and done! - Dating Commentary #3

I have been on several non-date dates lately. Maybe that is best for me because when I start thinking it is a date or I really like the person, I get overly nervous, overly critical and I don't enjoy it. I think I have learned I need to ease into dating and not put so much pressure on myself and the other person. If we go out and have fun, go out again. If they have an annoying habit, ignore it because the habit was always there and you may have just noticed it when you went out and began to be critical of their every move. Enjoy it - that is what dating is about. I think we women go wrong when we go out on one date (or maybe just thinking about the upcoming date) and we start to picture white dresses and how our new name would sound like. It is just a date, that doesn't mean you are getting married!

First Date? - Dating Commentary #2

What makes up a first date? I was recently out with a friend and we struck up a conversation with our neighbor at the bar. Later in the evening after a couple of beers and light conversation with our new friend, he says "Our guess is that you guys are on your first date." At the time, I laughed it off because I wasn't even sure if it was a date (more on that later). But afterwards, I pondered this question. What would he ask that? What vibe were we giving off that made him think it was a first date and not just a date or not just 2 friends hanging out? My theory of girls and guys cannot be just friends nixes the 3rd option - why would just the 2 of you be out if you are just friends? That is a different blog and one I think I have already written it.

I think it is very difficult to navigate this new world of dating that I have found myself in. It use to be simple, boy asks girl out, boy picks up girl, boy pays, boy walks girl to door and boy kisses girl (or some variation of that scenario). Recently, I have been out and been wondering "Is this a date?". If I follow the criteria above, he asked me out, we met out, we had good convo, he paid and then that was it. Was it a date? If you go by the criteria of him paying then it most certainly was a date. But at the end it was more like "see you later pal", so was it a bad date? Maybe I just gave off the friend vibe so he didn't think it was a date. Later, I figure it must be a date because we went out again. But after that non-date date, I again wasn't sure if I had been on a date. Maybe it is because neither of us want to commit and we want to figure out if we are better off friends or could really date so instead of jumping in feet first, we stick a toe in the dating pool.

Best of Atlanta - Mating and Dating

I was looking for a restaurant to go to tonight and found this section on citysearch.

It made me laugh. I would agree with some of the choices listed under each category but a lot of them are good old standbys like the Sundial as a romantic place. I am not knocking because I liked it but it is very cliche. Thought I would share in case folks wanted a good laugh or needed a good idea!

Casual Dating - Date Commentary #1

***Author's Note: I have written several 'dating' themed posts over the last few months and to protect the innocent or guilty, I have decide to begin to publish them so these are thoughts that I have had for the first 6 months of the year and opinions may have changed or shifted during that time but I will be begin to post these as a 'Dating Commentary' series. Enjoy!****

I have decided that this will be my year for casual dating. And I don't mean "casual dating" in the sense of casually hooking up. It is funny that it has taken me this long to realize that you don't have to kiss all the frogs to find out that they aren't the prince, you just have to kiss a few. Taking the stressing of kissing out of the first date is wise advice - maybe take it out of the first few dates. Kissing is fun don't get me wrong but after you kiss a person, it gets a little confusing on whether you are kissing them because it is fun or because you actually like the person and are compatible with them. After the first kiss occurs, the relationship totally changes to. You either feel awkward around them the next time you see them or maybe you have those little butterflies - either way you have just crossed over from casually dating to dating. The kiss signifies a change in the relationship which can mean different things if you are just friends, dating, hooking up, etc. So in light of this revelation that I was taught so long ago but have ignored, I am going to casually date and not feel the pressure to kiss on the first date. I am going to have fun and see what happens. This way if it doesn't work out then it is slightly easier to be friends and not be awkward.

J's Theory on Dating

I have gotten into lots of dating convesations lately with friends so I am passing on some of their opinions and thoughts to make this blog more entertaining and less onesided.

My friend J said that when he wants to get a girl he has a cocktail that works every time - 33% confidence, 33% ambivalent, 33% a**hole, and 1% error. Apparently we girls fall for that everytime. But this magical cocktail doesn't keep the girl. J, I think you should try being the nice guy! And contrary to popular belief, the nice guys does win. And I mean the true nice guy, not the guy that says the right things and the girl falls for it and he was saying the same things to a different girl just the other night!

Different Perspectivies

Recently, a friend and I were chatting about our past dating relationship. It was more like a few dates that didn't progress into anything and it was so long ago that there are no longer hurt feelings or any of the drama associated to the relationship and we are just friends now. We were discussing how things never got off the ground between us and I thought it was me and he thought it was something he did (I will spare the details but we are really friends and this was a very honest and open conversation). So it is funny how two people that are part of the same situation totally see the situation in completely different lights and have totally different impressions and feelings about events that occur. I also think it is important to have these honest and open conversations - this one was probably long overdue. I have realized that communication is so key in relationships and you should jump in with both feet and ask those unasked questions and tell people how you feel. So as my new favorite song by John Mayer says "Say what you need to say...".

I Got Friends in Low Places...

Got to love a little Garth Brook's tune. I have a question/topic I wanted to throw out there for all of us to ponder/mull over (I feel like I just sounded like Marin from Men in Trees "Hello, Elmo. Patrick and I were just discussing..."). I have noticed that the older I get, I am not as good about keeping friends EXCEPT for my college friends. Seems like my college friends have a free pass for life, they can do no wrong. That isn't to say I don't get mad at them but after a few hrs/days, I will eventually forgive and forget. Maybe it is because we lived together 24-7 for 5 years in college and we went through up's and down's together and were by my side as I found out who I was and who they were. Now, I meet people all the time through various channels and we become friends but the bond just isn't the same. They seem more like wanders who spend some time in my life, help me grow, help me along in a difficult time and then they go away either due to marriage, a baby, an argument, etc but they are more like drifters than long lasting friends. It is sad but I feel more compelled to work at my friendships from college and keep those connections no matter the distance than I do with folks that I met later in life. I am not saying this is right by any means. Somtimes I feel like my college friends "know" me better but in reality, they know some version of me that probably doesn't exist any more and the folks I meet now on this journey of life probably know me better. But I don't think we let the walls/boundaries down now as we did back in college so maybe the only person that knows me is really me.

Visits!

So even though I haven't blogged in awhile apparently my old posts are pretty popular. Maybe I missed my calling as being a real life Carrie Bradshaw! Thanks to all the folks that read and enjoy the blog! I hope to have more inspiration so that I have more things to write.

The Blog...

The Blog is not gone but perhaps it has been forgotten or neglected. Truthfully, inspiration hasn't really hit lately but I have started a collection of postings that I will post shortly. I feel like you should only write when you are truly inspired and have something to say. So as not to lose the entertainment value of this post, I will comment on a recent stoplight situation that I have observed in Denver. There is an intersection in Denver where all lights are red and you can basically walk diagonal across the street even though there is only one walk sign. Why would you ever have all directions stopped? This isn't a heavy pedestrian area and it was definitely 30 secs - over a minute with all lanes stopped. What is going on in this city?

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

If you want a non-formuliac book, this book is for you. It is a little hard to get use to how the book is written but once you do, you easily fall in love with the characters. It makes you wonder that if you know the future, can your decisions now really change it? According to the book, what is destined to happen will happen regardless. The more I have spent time away from this book, the more I want to re-read it or read more about Henry and Clare's life. This really is a fascinating topic and a very interesting love story. I can't wait until the movie comes out and I am ready to read The Time Traveler's Daughter now!

Restaurants of 2007

I think I probably missed a few new restaurants alon the way but this is a pretty comprehensive list. I ate at places from Atlanta to DC to Utah to Argentina to Florida to Charlotte. If you need ideas for places to go, see the below list of 46 restaurants (so way past my goal of 29, guess this is easy to achieve when you travel for a living).

Sette Osteria (DC/Dupont)
Zola at the Spy Museum (DC)
Georgia Brown's (DC)
Luna Grill and Diner (DC)
Aqua Bistro (GA)
Sushi-Ko (DC)
Canton Chopsticks (GA)
Zona Rosa (UT)
Wabo House (UT)
Red Rock Brewing Co (UT)
Hungry Moose (UT)
The Oceanaire Seafood Room (GA)
Faccia Luna (VA)
J. Paul's (MD)
Lucky Bar (DC)
Peachtree Diner (ATL)
Element (ATL)
Artuzzi's (ATL)
La Frontera Cantina (DC)
Mexicali Blues (VA)
Miss Meg's (NC)
BBQ (No Ga)
Taiphoon (DC)
Jalisco (ATL)
Hydra (Las Lenas)
Los Rosas (Las Lenas)
El Paso (Las Lenas)
El Miraso (Buenos Aires)
El Drugstore (Col)
Caban los Lenas (Buenos Aires)
Café Tortoni (Buenos Aires)
Rio Alba (Buenos Aires)
Innsbruck (Las Lenas)
La Cima (Las Lenas)
Santa Fe (Las Lenas)
Jackie's (Jacksonville)
Casa Dora (Jacksonville)
Nicole's (Amelia Island)
Horizons (Amelia Island)
Baxter's (Amelia Island)
Mudville Grillty (Jacksonville)
Worman's Deli (Jacksonville)
Somewhere in Helen
Sushi 101 (NC)
Thai House (NC)
Greek Isle (NC)